she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
