yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Rumble strips road head = magical
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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