There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's shark week go big or go home
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
