Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
