he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
