Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
