The best revenge is premature balding
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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