Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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