..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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