So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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