i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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