If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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