If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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