Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
