How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
