I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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