Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
