I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
