No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
