It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My pussy is not your playground.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
