i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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