you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize