I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
