I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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