Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
