I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
