Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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