my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
