fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
