are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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