I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
