NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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