Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
