wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
