i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
