i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
