i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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