i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
