I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
