I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Come share oat with me in your robe
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
