Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
