You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
