they need to just BURY HIM!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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