How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
