Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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