just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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