That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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