all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
