dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would fuck him just for his dog
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize