I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
