i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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