he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
