apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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