He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
