Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This house was built for laser tag.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
