Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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