I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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