I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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