You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
