Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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