i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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