I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
