o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
