Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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