Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
