roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
