Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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