I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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