I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
