I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
