Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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