he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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