mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
