Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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