Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
